So recently I’ve been doubting myself quite a lot. But today was a good day.
Well not too bad for a Monday anyway :)
I realised that I can handle all this. And I can do anything if I put my all in it. Today I got to uni at about 12ish and was at the labs trying to figure out the formulae class from last week.
And I nearly failed last week’s because of two brackets! Like what the heck man!
And so yeah I think i can do it :D It’s gonna be hard, but im going to try giving my all in my academic studies!
Tomorrow Cardinal Pell is coming to UTS for a mass. And I can’t go :(
I have Websystems lecture at 12 – 1pm. Then the lab from 1 – 3pm.
And mass is at 1 pm :(
I’d skip it, but the lab is like important because we get chosen to do random presentations sighhh.
But yeah ima remain positive because its only Monday, so whatever comes my way, I’m ready xD
On this day of your life, Simone, we believe God wants you to know ... that doubt is the rust of life.
Doubt holds you landlocked in paralysis unable to move either way. The time you spent doubting is the time you are not alive. So, rid yourself of the doubt, take that step one way or another, your heart knows what is best, but take it right now.
Okay so I also need to organise my birthday party which is going to be on the 11th September.
So like 15 days!
And yeah, big whoop its just my 19th. But I go crazy with birthday parties and I just want everything to go right and everyone enjoys. Because I must say I've been to a couple of parties which were a tad boring. And I just dont want it to be like that. OMGSH i'm probs gonna have nightmares about it lol.
So yeah I'm going to write up a list here and just keep adding to it so that I dont forget anything.
On this day of your life, Simone, we believe God wants you to know ... that change is the very nature of life, - welcome it.
No glass ever became sand again; No bread ever became wheat; No ripened fruit ever became a flower. Welcome change, and choose what kind of glass you create, what kind of bread you bake, what kind of fruit you harvest.
Seriously where on earth did the time go!
So its week 5 already at uni and im already feeling sfd#@$@#
So I did my talk on Wednesday, and I dont think I did too bad :S
It was like a group of 7 guys in a small room, and I me reading! And Crystal said she's on placement now every Wednesday so I might have to help out more than I though this sem. Like I gotta organise the weekly meetings and all which is kinda a scary thought.
I went to USYD's meeting the next day and I must admit, they have a good bunch of peeps there. I mean the people full turn up on time and actually wanna be there, which is kinda different to UTS where we gotta nag people :S
But yeah that's something I gotta change I guess, well attempt to anyway.
And at the meeting a lot of questions and sharings were herd and I kinda feel like I was relating to them so much. I mean it's not easy. But we just gotta keep having faith and perseverance.
As said in the awesome book ;) . . .
So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to preserve so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.
- Hebrews 10:35-36
And I got the programming assignment today. And honestly, its friggin scary. I need to put soo much more effort in it than i thought. But hey, can't say they didnt warn me!
Marketing is okay i guess, pretty simple. Economics :S need to revise economics all over again. But thank gosh I did it last year, otherwise i'd be sooo darn screwed.
And Web Systems. Well I'm slowly getting it :S
Ohh and Monica has her HSC Music Performance thing on Thursday night. And I must say, she was pretty damn good :) Good job sis!
So today was a sad day. There was a man who hijacked a bus full to tourists in Manila, and unfortunately 6 of the 15 are now dead.
I guess this is kinda an eye opener. I mean these people from Hong Kong were on a holiday in the Philippines . . . and now they are gone.
And the scary thing is, that it seemed like a random attack. It just so happened that the tourist bus was there at that moment, and it was that bus that the gun man decided to hijack. It could have been any other vehicle, and to think that a lot of my extended family live in the same city scares the hell outta me.
The gunman, identified as 55-year-old Rolando Mendoza who was armed with an M-16 assault rifle, had stopped the bus, which initially had 25 people on board, across a wide road in Manila’s biggest park on Monday morning.
Mr. Mendoza’s brother, Gregorio, told a local TV station that his brother was upset by his dismissal from the force. Local media said he had been sacked for reasons including extortion, and due to his sacking he had lost his retirement benefits.
And to think that all this happened from this morning, and I only found out about it when I got back from uni really made me think. That a lot of things can happen, so we gotta live life how we want to because God forbid, anything can happen to us or our loved ones within a matter of moments.
Keep positive. Live life the way you want to, without any regrets.
Surprisingly there were only a few status updates about it on fb. And one particularly caught my attention which was written by my younger cousin who lives in the Manila. She emphasised how furious and disappointed she was with her country, the society and the mess that’s happening over there. I guess she might also be referring to the Philippines and its reputation for being corrupt in the government, leadership and things like that. So i guess this gunman’s selfishness in killing those people can be due to his country’s mess and hardship.
Tonight I’m going to pray particularly for the people of Manila and the families of those who were killed. It’s a terrible feeling knowing that these things are happening, and it feels as if everything over there is just so out of control that nothing much can be done. I lift my prayers to God, to look after the people of the Philippines, as well as the leaders there. That they may resolve the many issues they have been facing for quite some time now, and attempt to move forward to a country that it more peaceful.
And I also pray for my family over there, as well as my family in other countries like in America and New Zealand. This same cousin I know will always be alright, because she is surrounded by people who only have great love for her. And I pray that she in particular is doing well because I know how hard it is to live away from her mother, who im sure is always thinking about her.
Tonight I also watched this show Secret Millionaire. And the lady in it was 29 yrs old and left school at the age of 13 but still managed to become successful as evident by the huge company that she started. They showed her wardrobe and i was like OMGSH it was like incredible, colour coded shoes and a rack full of jewellery and headbands of every colour you could think of! And she went out to a small rundown town in Melbourne ‘undercover’ looking for people in need to her great help. It made me think that maybe one day i can push myself to achieve my dreams and return help out people in need. And i promised myself that if I do become some great business woman, I will treat every human being I encounter with great respect and realise that they are individuals with their own story and challenges. I mean I don’t want to dismiss someone like the gunman in today’s tragedy, if there will be huge consequences that will lead to greater suffering to other people.
During the show I also got a phone call from one of my close friends that I met earlier in the year at my YFC entry camp. When I think about it, the first time I met him he was kinda intimidating. He’s pretty big, as in like those American footballer with big guns lol. But he continues to surprise me. Because I’ve started to get to know him better in the last months, and realised that he is a sensitive guy, and has big dreams that I know will happen. Like the many people I have met this year through YFC, he is always taking the time out to listen to you and your stories or whatever may be stressing you out. Yet I often forget that he, and the many other people and leaders, also go through a lot of stress and challenges. They look after us, but sometimes we forget to check up on em to make sure that they are doing well too! I just thank God that I have met people like him who I know I can always count on.
So yeah I guess I better get back to my Websystems presentation which hopefully is not going to happen tomorrow because I really need to catch up on it and make sure that I actually know what I’m doing.
Praise God for the people I have met this year and have always taken interest in the things I say and do. Praise God for a family that isn’t really going through many hardships, unlike many families out there who are worse off. Praise God for my extended family, many in particular have changed me in many ways (and to think what the year so far would’ve been like without them , is just insane because they are heaps awesome :) ). Praise God for my friends, not only the ones that I have met this year, but also the ones I’ve known for years now. Because of them I have learnt a lot of things, through the fights that we might’ve had and the relationships we have formed. Praise God for University. I know I have had mixed feelings about UTS and the course I’m currently doing, but praise God for I haven’t really had many great hardships. Thank God for my education for I, unlike many other people, are privileged to be studying and so may I be reminded to lift nothing but my best to Him each day, and always strive for excellence.
I feel as if i’m only starting Uni this week because I’ve been skipping a lot of lectures and classes because it clashed with that receptionist job.
So everyone is out and i’m home alone. Monica is probably at work or something and everyone else went to the Saturday markets in Marickville.
I’m currently sitting outside on the back porch because its actually a nice warm sunny day and there isn’t many distractions out here, unlike earlier when I was trying to write this inside, in front of the tv.
Anyway so many things have happened this week, that I felt like I really needed some quiet time to reflect on all the things that have happened. I mean, I haven’t really prayed a lot these coming weeks, and I’ve stopped going to church to pray before uni, and when i did pray it was all about me and what i wanted.
So I went on facebook and found a link to the New Zealand CFC YFC blog and read a couple of inspiring sharings. The latest is about prayer, and focused on the meanings behind the passage
“Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7
He explained it in the three different parts and it really made me see things a lot more clearer. Like say the bit Seek and you shall find. With so many things happening this week, I was praying all the time only for God to help me cope with everything that I may be struggling with. But the thing is, I really didn’t do much to help Him. I just asked him for things and expected Him to just magically help me just like that. In the sharing I just read about, the guy explains the story of Jesus feeding the 5000 (John 6:5 – 15). In this passage God could have easily gave everyone bread and provided for the hungry. But instead the disciples searched for food, and in their seek for it, they found a young boy who freely offered what he had, and turned it into something greater. So basically when we ask God for something, we need to help him and actually work for it too. And if we reflect and question what it is we really desire, we may see that He has already provided it to us, but we are looking in the wrong place and miss the opportunities that God had laid ahead for us.
And take the last bit Knock and the door shall be open. If we knock on His door for help, He will open the door and help. But its the notion of actually being bothered to take those steps to walk to it, and knock (like talking to him through Prayer) that will actually get us there. I mean God will listen and provide so long as we put in the effort to get there.
And once there He will give us more than we need, and will bless us with much more than we could ever imagine.
So i think this is something I really should be thinking about at the moment. At the moment I’m worried about falling behind in Uni and at the same time trying to find another job that is flexible so that it won’t clash with study.
All week I’ve been negative about everything to do with uni. Saying "eeeeww I have class till so and so” or saying and predicting that I’m already going to fail some of the subjects this sem.
But Why?
If I let God in then He will help me. I just need to give Him that time and talk to Him. Like seriously Websystems and Programming at the moment are killing me. But now I think about it. It’s only week 4 out of like 10 and so I can turn all this around. Put effort in it and seriously He will help if I just put all my trust and faith in him.
“As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.”
So yeah. I’m going to organise and start planning my week. So that I can get back into my old study mode. And become more positive about it.
I’m also going to do a talk this week and I’m pretty sure its going to be the first meeting at UTS for Spring Sem so I want it to be relevant as well as make my fellow CB friends think and reflect on all the good things that are yet to come this Sem.
Also this morning I read the newspaper. The first few pages were on the election. Yesterday I voted for the first time, and voted for Liberal because many of my YFC friends wrote a lot of things about the Liberals, and many I strongly agreed on, like the fact that Tony Abbott is against Abortion and he is an active Christian. Although I feel like i didn’t really take the time to reflect and think for myself. As in question a lot of the things. Like just because he is Christian doesn’t make him good if his policies aren’t the better choice for the nation and it’s economy.
But yeah once I skipped through all those pages in the paper i came across the page about the soldiers in Afghanistan that died last night. In the article there was a picture of one of the soldiers with his two young daughters aged 8 and 10. They were the most gorgeous little girls I have ever seen and their smile made me smile. And to think that now they are without a father made me really teary. I read the whole article and it said that when their dad wasn’t deployed he was very active in his daughters’ activities despite being divorced from his ex wife. And I don’t know, the whole thing just made me really upset because I’m sure those happy little girls in the picture loved their dad so much, and now he is gone.
It just really made me think about myself. I’m lucky that nothing like that has happened to my family or friends. And so I should live each day knowing that God has given me so many opportunities in life, and I shouldn’t waste it. Take university for example. I have the opportunity to study unlike a lot of other people in the country and everywhere else in other countries. So I should strive for excellence and not just throw it all away, because it may even one day help me to help others in a few years... where hopefully I will be starting a career and at the same time use the opportunities and challenges I have been given to Know God and make God Known!
On this day of your life, Simone, we believe God wants you to know ... that God doesn't give you what you want, God gives you according to who you are.
Change who you are to change your life.
So yeah basically what I’m going to try and do this week is spare some quiet time to talk to God and pray.
I saw this other thing on facebook where someone started an Active Prayer thing, where everyday at 12pm, no matter where you are, who you are with what you are doing, we are all praying to our One awesome God :)
So this week I am really going to be more self motivated and to know Him in a way of becoming Dependant on Him and his plans for me.
First of all it was my last day at NCR today. Here I was thinking that I would have a pretty easy day. You know, where the only thing i would have to worry about was directing people on the phones to the right department and people etcetc.
BUT NO!
The Calendar in Microsoft Outlook decided to fail on me! Like i could send and receive emails, open and view the Meeting Room Appointments. BUT i COULD NOT open the most important calendar - the parking spots >.<
Like seriously. It kept coming up with this message saying "blah blah blah Microsoft Explorer Server is currently unavailable. Please connect or something something" fah@#$@#
And then so many people were calling up saying they tried booking as well, but it said it was undelivered etc etc (so i guess it was not my fault right!? RIGHT!?!) OMGAHHH
So I basically told them the truth. That I could not book a car spot for them as we were having trouble accessing the car spot calendar. And if there was a vacant spot, then just take it :S
And i got soo many people helping me on the computer to try and fix it ... and NOTHING!
So eventually I lodged the problem on the NCR Help Desk. And they decide to get to me 4 hrs later... at 4:40pm ... less than an hr before I was meant to leave!!!
And the friggin call took half an hour... and nothing even happened in the end! Like WTH! So i wasted half an hour on the phone with some women from india who was trying to solve it, only to finish with nothing! And to make things worse i was late for my 6pm Programming Fundamentals tute, so i went to central and skipped it, and went to the labs. And i opened the tute notes and was like WT@#$#$! So i wasted the rest of my time there, thinking i should just go to my 7pm lab and at least learn something, and get the 2% that its worth.
But I COULD NOT BE BOTHERED!
Gahhh and I all ready skipped soooooo many lectures so basically I will have to confess to Joey that i broke our pact :S
I'm going to go INSANE!
And its not only Programming that I'm behind in, its also Websystems & Economics!
So I went to the library and borrowed all the old editions of the Programming Textbooks that i need, and hopefully i will at least get something out of that! And it was sooooo friggin heavy, that i think my shoulders might eventually become dislocated or something!
Gahhh AND this is going to look so bad when Nina gets back tomorrow. Hopefully it didnt leave a bad impression of me and I pray to God that it's all just a little tiny technical error that won't cause such a big hassle. FUDGE! My reputation at NCR is now at risk >:|
Well hopefully its all just nothing. I also have to organise the next YFC meeting since Crystal will be busy organising camp and stuff. PLEASE GOD HELP ME!
On a much brighter note, hopefully this will help me calm down a bit. I think it's trying to say that all things happen for a reason. And whether it's bad or good we just have to accept it, knowing that it's His plan for us. And after all He wants nothing but the best for us. Right?
On this day of your life, Simone, we believe God wants you to know ... that all is well.
What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present, and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good?
I mean I love Lady Gaga because she tries to be an individual and stand up for herself and her 'Little Monsters' but the way she just does it, is just bad. Bad Gaga.
Then Kuya Bryan made this note about the whole thing and media and all that and it was such an appropriate topic.
" BUT.. hey.. just because it's on the internet (where we spend so much of our time these days) shouldn't alarm me as much as the realization that it's in REAL life situations too... some people no matter if they're Christian or not, will fight for their beliefs. But for Christians like us specially, since God calls and commands us to Love one another, and since one of his messages says that we are nothing if we have not Love, one can only hope as a Christian that these correction's are out of love for those they correct, to show truth, rather than to reassure one's self that one knows the truth and boasts about it...
for just as 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 says, We are nothing without Love, and it is Love that never fails."
Today he sent out another message to everyone that was tagged in that note. And it seriously got me thinking. It's time to proclaim the messages God is teaching us through things like this, Lady Gaga and the media etc. Kuya concluded that he hopes today is a day God has given us to continue to mould and challenge us as a person He wants us to be.
Well besides bludging today (its Wednesday, my only free day from work and uni) I am also going into UTS for a YFC Core Meeting. I've never been to one because things clashed with the last ones, and I dont really know what the difference is between a core meeting and an ordinary meeting that i've attended all last sem, but im sure its something more serious. Especially with Campus Camps coming up yeeeeeeeeehaaa :) And so hopefully today I will feel like I have fufilled God's wish for us everyday, to be more like Christ and share that with others.
2010 Semester 2 - Campus Missions (NSW)
But yeah I just took my massive Lady Gaga poster down. It's pretty big, so there's like a massive blank space on top of the chair where it use to be. But i plan on doing a couple more artworks and hanging em up there :)
But then again back to Lady Gaga, Kuya's purpose in the second message was kinda like a split message to us, but not really. I mean this time he said to remember to dislike and avoid, even go against the sin and not the one who misses the mark. For God wants us to love those hard to love.
I kinda know what that means, and I kinda dont at the same time. Something I probably need to reflect on later on in the week.
And he left another quote by the awesome Mother Teresa :)
So umm yeah im in one of the computer labs in Building 10.
i was meant to come here and print the Marketing Notes and study since the library is sooo friggin full. But no. I decided to go on random sites here and distract myself with other things.
Such as what im going to eat before i head into class. I'm thinking something filling, yet cheap. But i swore last week that I would not have KFC again! Ohh and also I need to go to that cheap bookstore that i go past every uni day... i need to buy one of the guitar books there and teach myself. Hmm another thing to add to my 'buy' list when i get my pay!
Ohh and after i finish working at NCR, so starting from next week, ive decided to go back to studying at Kogarah Library. And instead of training it there, I would walk, and then maybe catch a train coming back. Or maybe the other way. Mehh either way I still need to study and exercise. Before I know it, summer will be just around the corner ;)
AHHH ok ima study now :( I have to return the text book in like an hr anyway.
So tonight was a pretty early night. Its Saturday and Mullens and I came home from Homebar at Darling Harbour at about 11. It was like a lil celebration for Amanda Ryan's 19th :) .Amy's mum wanted her home early, and I guess I didnt mind going home early too since I got soo much to do like:
Clean my room :S
Finish watching the final season of The OC
Study (grrr I'm seriously not going to like Websystems and Programming :((
Summer & Seth. Adorable ♥
So yeahh.Me and mullens kinda had to run home from Rockdale station. Coz she said to her mum who rang her like 23217834 billion times that my parents would pick us up and drop us home. But mum stayed back at work so yeahhh we kinda ran home. It was kinda freaky but I just tried to stay positive and KEEP WALKING! :S
And last night was kinda cool too. Except the walking home from the station bit at like 1.30 something in the morning :S FARRRRRROUTMANN i kept praying that nothing would happen.
But yeahh basically I finished the programming lecture at 8pm... then had to head straight back home to get changed.... then go back to the city to meet this other girl whos from UTS and we went straight to Cargo Bar for Dave's 24th. And yeahh. Then we headed straight back to Town Hall after a drink and we went to this place called The Secret Room and it was aweesomeee. It was like this Japanese style room, and in it was this massive plasma and we just played Wii and stuff. I dunno, but I kinda liked that better than the bar. As in a group of friends just chilling :)
Eman; one of my bros in †
Anyway yeah better start doing that checklist. Ohh and also I'm thinking of cutting my hair short... I dunno though coz its going to be like a major WOAHHOHMYGOSH change. I kinda put it up today to see what it would look like....
I'm kinda missing my old hair, but then again it was long and dry and eeeww if i didnt style it properly... exhibit a
And here are some other hair pics that I'm thinking of trying out . . .
And I was thinking about my birthday which is in September . . . which means SPRING!
i ♥ SPRING :)
fashion . . .
And omgsh i sooo want a wardrobe like these one day *sigh*
Ohh and while I work (at the Reception desk at NCRR) I've been watching this show I've heard so much about Pretty Little Liars and i love it! It's only just started and so theyve only had 10 eps from Season 1 and I'm going to watch all of it and i cant wait till next season starts x)
Anyways yeah better get back to that checklist and dream later.
So many things have happened since the last post. I think i was too afraid to write in this during the last few days because i thought there were other things that I needed to stress about, and i simply didnt have enough time to write in this. And i must admit, the same goes with reading the Bible and taking time out each day to reflect on the many blessings and challenges God has given me. I guess the facebook app that tell me 'What God wants me to know on this day' is actually relevant:
"On this day of your life, Simone, we believe God wants you to know ... that the voice of God is best heard in silence. All too often loud events and daily busyness cloud your vision of God. Take some time to slow down; let there be silence, let there be peace. Calm your mind and let your inner voice re-emerge from the silence. Allow yourself to see visions, allow yourself to dream dreams; and you may hear the voice of God reaching out to you. "
Well one thing is... praise God that i got the job. I think i was pretty much the only candidate for it, but obviously they still wanted me to go through the process of interviews, and all that formal stuff. Pretty scary, but I will definitely learn a lot from all this. I mean, these were only a few interviews of many in my life. In terms of the job, well its great :) There's some things which were a little confusing at times, but basically all I do, and the other receptionist who have trained me, is watch things online. At first I was like... seriously!?! But hey, I cant complain, loving it :) She actually introduced me to this new show - Psych. Kinda like the show Monk but not really. It's pretty funny :)
In terms of uni, well its not too bad I guess. Not fun or anything. This sem I know for sure its the IT subjects that I really have to focus on - Websystems and Programming Fundamentals :S
And in terms of YFC life, well its been pretty good I guess. I have kinda stepped up and I've been assigned a couple of girls to take care of. I know though that it's going to be a challenge. But it's been great. Like I've been hanging out with a lot of them recently, meeting up with them during uni breaks and whatnot. And yeah its just great :)
I guess I better go now and have a shower since it's pretty late and I have to get up early for work tomorrow. Hopefully there wont be too much things to do so I can finish of the final OC season =P
Ohh and I stumbled across this quote. Stolen from Belinda's Facebook status, stolen from Grey's Anatomy:
"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we... want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need."
