2010 here i come

Well its been 4hrs and 48 minutes into a new year. I wrote a long note last night on random stuff because the internet was extremely slow so i havnt had the time to log on and update what exactly goes through my mind.

Firstly OMG i was at the vip party for the fireworks thanks to shannon and it was awesome and my feet kill really badly!!! And i must write that shannon shoved mini bottles of alcho in my bag and i almost got caught lmao!!! The fireworks were incredible!!! Apparently one of the best cities with fireworks for new years in the world!!!

And shannon was discussing stuff that we were gna do for the following new years which included:

1) Going to New Zealand for new years- because there 2hrs advanced which would be awesome...because then we'd be one of the first to celebrate!?!

2) Go to New York because there is some ball thingy that sounds awesome

and there were other ones that i cant think of at the moment haha

but i told her these new years eve plans would have to start in 2011 since i will be spending New years in the philippines!!! Fingers crossed anyway

Ohh and i read my horoscope in the cleo mag...and i dont usually follow/ beleive in them...but this one was soo true. The topic sentence was something like "in 2010 leave friends who are not kind behind" So yeah alleluiah i am sooo doing that.

But anyway over the past week there has been alot that i have had to think about. One of my Kuyas came over for like a week and a bit and the things and stuff that he said has really got me thinking. Like things about being more grateful and thankful for the many things i have in life... which has made me realise that because of that i should have a more positive attitude in life...because after all there are heaps more people worse off than me.

I guess here where i live we're not as 'spiritual' and 'holy' as a lot of our family living elsewhere, and it really got me thinking... why?. There could be many reasons such as the circumstances...as in we go to church where there isnt many youth groups and stuff...and i am surrounded by friends who don't go to church.
But this year i want to change that. I don't want to have a closer relationship with God because it seems like the right thing to do...but i honestly want to because my cousin really convinced me that by being closer to God... life is indeed much richer in many ways. And i really need that change in attitude because 2009 was not really a very happy -or wotevs you wanna call it- year for me. 2010 is my year of transition!!!

Which leads to my new years resolution #1:

"Be more grateful and thankful for the many things i am blessed with in life"

And then theres other resolutions...like my promise to Ate Muri that i will be able to

"speak tagalog to fluently when we go to the philippines at the end of the year"

(... omg thats like less than 365 days!!! So excited!!!) So yea... tito Fred is even gonna give me some cd on how to speak filo...

And then theres the other one... to be able to play the guitar ;)

Well theres so many other things i have to record in my blogs...but atm i cant really think straight because it been a long night...and its now 5:01 am...and i'm in my room which is extremely hot.

shit

really really disappointed. Most my original preferences have now been wiped out completely...and many were just short by like a few. thats all i have to write right now. disappointed.

Annoyed!!!

Could this day get any worse. I was going to recharge my credit but thought it could wait another day or so. Then optus fckn deactivates the number. F you.

I dont think im gonna stay up for the next 8 hours for the atar coz tomorrow i got to clean the place before the cousin comes over.

GAhhh F you. The only thing that would make my day is if my name was in the newspaper tomorrow/today....even if its just a small print for SOR. Pleaaaaaaaase God.

This is insane. This is like my 50th post today. But if i dont keep writing or doing stuff i will prob go to a corner and cry. I just want the atar freaking over and done with NOW.

I already know im not part of the high achievers assembly. But meh i dont give shit. I will get over that soon. But i just want the atar to know i actually got into one of my uni course preferences. I'm gonna be a mess on Friday when i get everything summed up for me in the mail.

I tried not to log onto facebook but i just had to and i nearly cried when so many people said they were surprised with how they went.

Argh can tomorrow come any slower

Sinking in

Well i got my marks... and im satisfied with it. I just really hate how i got a band 4 in geography. Very very disappointed in that.

But im still hoping and praying to God that i get the atar thats going to get me to Sydney or UNSW please.

I cant believe they didnt release them on the same day. Stupid. And im just really really glad i got a band 6 in sor...who knows what wouldve happened otherwise.

Gahh now just the wait for tomorrow. 9am. Probably not gonna sleep again tonight. Tomorrow is bigger than today.

Dear Atar. Please be kind.

I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS!!!

I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS. I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS. STILL dislike YOU McGHIE... not as much though :) .I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.I DIDN'T FAIL MATHS.

And Mr Crump you suck!!!! Geography was my favourite subject...but no you had to have no geo skills. I'm pretty sure it was the skills that brought me down coz i must say my essays were pretty damn good!!!

I'm actually surprised at my final marks... i thought i would have been so close to failing maths...and OMG i got a band 6 in sor after that stupid exam...which hopefully not everyone did get because then whats the point of that right!!!

Well this ordeal aint over yet till i get the atar in the mail tomorrow. Havent slept yett...i did eat a schnitzel that rosemarie made....

Dad said i should stop by at the church and be thankful i didnt fail maths...so if i wake up after a day nap i will sure do that...and while im there pray for a good atar.

And for all you dumbies reading this and are about to enter the world of HSC...where you will without a doubt be logging on Bored of Studies a zillion times a week....GOOD LUCK... coz for me its over suckers

Results in less than 4 hrs

OMG i cant sleep. I just got out of bed after lying there for over an hour and made myself milo.

Im so so scared for the results. Apparently we can check em from 6 am. So i dont think i can sleep until then. Its freaking me out. And i'm not telling anyone what i get until i get accepted into a uni course. Seriously...im going to lock myself in my room all day and just put my avril/emo cds up full blast.

I'M SHTT SCARED

And this one girl in my yr found out today that she came first out of the whole country in business studies. Lucky biatch.

Im so scared!!! I'm prob gonna have a heart attack after i see the numbers when i log in. Im just hoping that i passed everything. Fck if anyone asks what i get im gonna say none of your business. And i'm going to try not to log onto facebook for the next two days because all the smart bitches will have statuses that will make me depressed.

I could even receive it by txt...but the idea of waking up and seeing my marks on the fone is kinda scary. i'd prob smash the phone.

All i want is to get into my preferences. Thats all. Please God im begging you.

Today i also cleaned my room and tried to rid it of any traces of HSC so that it wont make me even more upset after i check my results tomorrow.

Whats even worse is that tomorrow is just the HSC exam marks... the ATAR comes on thursday in the mail. So thats another sleepless night. Gahhhh. On Thursday around 10 o'clock im going to sit on the front porch ready to snatch the mail off the mailman.

GAHHH i hate this. I just want to succeed in something. Please God make that HSC!!!!

Argh and i just painted my nails bright red the other night. But i bet by friday it will be all chipped cause i will start biting them or something because of the whole nervous thing that HSC has on me. Fck.

I think i'm making a big deal out of this thing, because so many people find other ways of getting into university or find other ways of being successful. But I think its coz my mum puts pressure on us... she wants to go tell her friends that i did well blahblahblah. But im sorry mother... not everyone is perfect. I tried my best so hopefully she will settle for that.

Isabel sent me a message today after i sent her one saying i was gonna drown myself after i see the results. Well shes a woman of wise words...and she seriously helped me get motivated throughout this year...making little cards and stuff. Anyway she said to

Hope for the best. But prepare for the worst.

Which i guess is true. Whatever i get is whatever i get. You just have to move on

[fuck i just saw a cockroach go into my room. Thank god im sleeping in the top bunk. But what rosemarie dosnt know wont hurt her ;) ]

Anyway yeah. I think i can stay up for another 4 hrs till 6 am.

Please God give me a decent mark. At the moment im trying to prepare myself for a shit mark still. Opening the envelope on Thursday and seeing something in the 70s. But i dont want to jinx myself

Grrr. And on Friday one of my cousins from nzl is coming. So hes prob gonna think i'm weird if im all depressed still because of my marks.

(omg someone just made a group of fb- All I Want For Christmas Is Good HSC Results & A High ATAR - funny)

I think i think if i keep tping on this 6am will come sooner. I wish.

Anyway i'm off. Wish me luck.

HSC summed up

So there's only like a day left before i get my atar. And i cant lie. I'm shit scared.

I personally think i've worked hard this year...but of course its not good enough.

• Mathematics

F*CK!!!! If i ever have kids who come home telling me they suck and hates maths... i will happily reply "No worries... its not the end of the world." Maths wrecked my life. Teacher was nutts. Could never ever memorise all the freakin formulas...it just hated me and i hated it. I think i probably cried over algebra. And i hated saturday afternoons... because i had tutoring and i would just panic at the papers put in front of me. In terms of the final exam OMFG it was like "Get me out of here NOW" 5 minutes into the exam.

• English

I have a feeling Clarisse will somehow find out about this blog. So im not gonna scare her =) even though i know she won't hate it as much as me. All im gonna say is gahhh

hate BELONGING...

i never ever want to think about that concept... how its evident in the film, poem or novel...what techniques the composers are using...what is the effects of such techniques... and what is an appropriate thesis!!! Thank god i had Andrea there to give me ideas of the concepts in Frankenstein...i mean i still can't get my head around the "sublime nature" wtf is it!?!
Paper 1 - the common paper- can kiss my ass...i can't believe i wrote the essay using 2 related material...when it said ONE and i didnt read it...omg i wanted to kill myself after that.

• SOR

Our teacher sucked. She was never there. And we never learnt. It was a bludge with Mullens and Pantz.

It was during these lessons that i came up with the finest works of scribbles and arts all over my books

But i must admit i did love it. I was getting really good towards the end. My essays were a surprise to me...i actually wanted to turn Jewish at many times lmao... Hassidism (significant school of thought), Synagogue services (significant practice), Bioethics- HATED IT (read the inside cover of my folder)...Then there was Christianity... i was the queen of Hildegard of Bingen.

Then there was the final exam. I was so happy and confident. I mean how hard could it be for a one and a half hour exam!? BUT NOO they had to put in some freaking annoying question we had not practiced for section III. I nearly cried and died in my seat! Everyone was talking about it after...there were topics already created hours after the exam on the Bored of Studies forums...it was talked about for soo long. I counted on SOR for my maths exam... but of course i had to be in the year where they fcked up the exam!!!

• Economics

Eco Eco Eco. Where do i start. I loved it. But the teacher just didnt work well with my ways of learning. He had this favourite in our class...and it was always her who got the round of applause...always her who had the EXCELLENT essay...always her who was excused for a wrong answer...to him...she was basically perfect. I'm actually surprised my head didnt explode.
Don't get me wrong... Mr crump was a great teacher...but he just didnt get the excellent teacher award. Yes i know im probably just saying all this coz my rank was hmm let me see... 5/5... but hey they were all nerds!!! Double prd lessons was like torture to me (because i had him for geo too!!!)
The exam was kinda okay...but eco wasnt always my strongest exam...i mean there was always so much content and i just didnt see how easy the stuff was till later on.

• Geography

I loved this class because i always thought half of em were stupid so it was pretty easy. But i seriously think because i had my crump again i just got so lazy in his classes so ranking wise...not too good. The only thing i loved about this subject was the excursions.
The exam was actually easy...i think but i dont want to ginx myself. I just hated how we had to draw a precint map or wotevs...mr crump sucked at skills so he never really taught as any.

• Art
  

What can i say about art. I love Miss Burton only coz i want to stab Miss Haymen. She was a fckn b*tch who didnt give a fck about anyone. I seriously thought about killing her tires because i knew what her fugly orange car looked like when we drove pass her in the morning on the bus.
GAHHHH. Art was so so. I mean theory wise was a bludge coz i loved essay writing ONLY for
art...but the practical side of it was fucking annoying. Miss Burton made me believe that i was good at sculpture masks...and it turned out shit.
I guess you really have to be weird to succeed in art. Not that Shannons was weird or anything with all her eyeballs in her artwork lmao Nahh hers was pretty good... i mean it did get into the gallary at Hazlehurst...so it must be good...good for her .... no im not jealous lmao =)



I think thats all the subjects...im just praying to God now that i get an atar that will get me to one of my courses in UNSW (pretty pleaseee) or Sydney Uni, because i really don't want to travel to Macquarie Uni... And i just want to get my tiny name in the newspaper...even if its just one subject please God

But then again the atars not the end of the world right... theres other ways...but i still want to do good in this so please God help me. I just think its like a waste of my time...i stayed up so many nights so i want to feel as if it wasnt all for nothing.



Well tomorrow im just gonna prepare myself all day for the 16th. If i log on and the numbers not good...it can go two ways

1. I lock myself in the room and put the music up full blast or
   
2. I go to Audrey's swimming carnval and drown myself

I hope i look back at this in a few years and just laugh at how stressed i am right now. Hope. That's all i can rely on till then.

The End of 09

So my first entry is a rant. Something ive been holding in me for too long.

This is wierd. I usually write stuff down... but apparently blogging is the new thing =)

Anyway I dont know if people can read this or not but at the moment i dont really care

this year has definately been crazy with hsc and stuff. and hanging around annoying people who dont give a f*ck about anyone but themselves which really frustrated me.

there is this one girl who justs put all this shit up on her fb status every minute trying to put out her point...telling the world

"I love blahblahblah shit"

then later

"I hate fucking bitches"

but no one really cares because she is the b*** who only thinks about herself. And then minutes later she puts up a status saying she thinks

"people who write statuses about other people are low".

well what the hell is wrong with you then!?

And by doing this blog its for me to look back and have a laugh at since atm its for my private viewing and no one even knows about it...

this may sound like some immature thing... i mean its fb...dont read it then. but it was more than that... it was my school life ...like her telling me crapp about another girl who i actually liked... bitching to me about her... making me dislike people because so and so did this to her. If she was ever good at anything... it was that... and convincing people she was the victim.

im just glad that everything is over. as in all the things i had to see her for is finished. i just want to be myself again. never having to worry whether or not that annoying freak is gonna call me anytime soon... so i dont have to tell my sisters who answer to pretend im in the freaking shower or make up some stupid excuse.

im just sick of all her conversations being about someone... how theyre fat and ugly... how she feels so sorry for them because of the colour of their hair.

And at those times all i could think was "fcking get a life you sad bitch... its no wonder you cant stick to one job"

im just sick of shallow people like her who thinks everything is perfect for them. even her mum was a b***... like mother, like daughter i guess.

But now i know who my real friends are... and those people who tried to pull me out of this mess i put myself through... at least they are normal people... who have normal conversations which dont involve rating how pretty our friends are... who dont f***ing b**** 24-7...who dont like starting arguments... who know how to have fun.

For a while I was convinced she'd change... and others would tell me to keep dreaming. Well those others were right... some people never change. The trust I had for her will never ever exist.

Another friend who i had once had a fallout with 2yrs ago has actually given me great advice on this situation. I guess such experiences only make a person stronger. she made me see that this bigger group of friends -who i saw differently because of this girl- have actually been more supportive...but i was too blind to see it.

i dont think ive actually gone all emotional about this situation because i just pushed it aside and tried to focus on my academic work...which actually made the situation even worse by somewhat ignoring it. And now looking back at what ive done... what ive missed... because of this...it does make me quite upset.

all i wanted was to study hard this yr... because i knew it would help with my dream of living in a mansion by the beach with a hottie of a husband one day lmao :)

... living the life i could only ever dream of ... things that would make me happy
but NO it was really hard when people like her would call and tell me she wasnt wasting any time for herself because she wasnt getting an atar. Well F***ing goodluck to you then!!!

im not saying that shes not going to be successful because of that...but i know if she dosnt...it because shes an idiot who thinks everything will just turn out right if she stays thin and the 'prettiest'.

On the holiday i went on i would be talking to her as we walked down the esplanade.. and when i didnt get any response it was coz she was analysing people... "omg theyre hot... f*** i feel sorry for that fatty"...and moments later she would see her reflection in a shop window and smile.

if i ever grow to be a person like that...someone slap me!!!

She would always tell me how our friends are immature...wont get anywhere... wont get to uni and i would try and argue that...because i damn well know they will be more successful than her.

So thats my goal anyway. That if there is a reunion in 10 or so years.. i will be more successful that that freak...and so will the rest of the group to prove her wrong.

And if i have learnt anything from the past 6 years of highschool...its that i

must not hang out and socialise with narrow minded bitches

- who a close buddy once said... should never be associated with the word 'friend'.

But then again thats life right... high school bitchiness never dies... so its like this whole thing was a lesson...

well then thank you b****. you've definitely made me a better person for seeing your self-centred ways...now pretty pretty please annoy someone else and f*** off !!!

Well thats the end of my rant for today...and hopefully for the rest of the year because i do want to have a relaxing and joyful christmas holidays. But then again im getting my atar in like 3 days so if that turns out shit... then i'll be expecting another rant

wow this was fun