Put kind constructions where you can, and where you cannot, be silent

So yeahh last night i think i went to bed at about 4am because i had to file my uni notes and yehh i had other things on my mind...

3:48am 8 May

Can't sleep because I have so many things on my mind. Well the main thing is this Samantha issue. Basically she somehow found photos of her still up on Shannon's Facebook account and she messaged Shannon asking her to take them down as it also contained 'vulgar' comments or wotevs. Well anyway Shannon of course, being the person she is, decided it was a good opportunity to tell Samantha what she thinks if her. Then Shannon copied and pasted the whole thread for me and 3 other girls to read.

I don't know but it only hit me now how upsetting this whole situation is. I mean it only hit me now because I was strong enough to move on and cut all connections with her.

I guess you can say there was not better time to join YFC. Because it will not only help me gain greater confidence with unim but it will also allow me to move on from the past, and allow me to find my true friends, surround myself with positivity. At the camp there were all these story sharings from a range of people. And I though to myself... What has really had a great affect on me recently... What has hurt me the most? I mean life at the moment is all good I guess. As in my parents arn't divorced, my relationship with my sisters are pretty normal, I don't have bf issues and I have awesome friends. I quess I have tried to forget everything during the HSC period, therefore including someone who I thought was my bestfriend. I'm crying at the moment even thinking about it.

So yehh at camp this one guy told us his story. He and his childhood bestfriend has a physical fight at a party one night and from then on lost all contact. Then one day a few years later the friend's mum calls him saying that her son, his friend, was drunk at a party, collapsed on a road, and got runover. That sent shivers down my spine. It reminded me of my relationship with Samantha.

I guess I've come to the conclusion that I don't hate her. If I see her (which I most likely will at Andrea's party in a week), I'm simply going to avoid any communication because I don't want to start anything. I'm just really over it. Why waste energy I guess. When I told Shannon this she thought I had a near - death experience at the camp or something. But its true, you just have to move on and not associate yourself with such people anymore. Just learn from it I guess. I really feel for her. I mean most of what Shannon wrote is true - she is narrow minded, only thinking of herself, thrive from peoples' pain and suffering, and just bitched all the time. But it's not her fault she's like that right!? It just really upset me that I made friends with her for so long. Time was wasted being best friends with someone who only ever thought of herself.

Perhaps it was God's plan for me to experience all this. So that I will know what to do if I ever come across a similar situation later in life. So yeahh, I'm simply going to ignore all the negativity. And as much as I agree with every single point Shannon makes in the messages being sent to Samantha, I have to choose not to get myself involved and simply just shut up.

There's this Mary Mackillop quote... it was something like ~ "Put kind constructions where you can, and where you cannot, be silent." 15.11.1878.

I mean I don't want or need this in my life. I don't want to continue this hatred for her or bitch and fight with her. There is better things in life. I really do feel I have moved on, and I can honestly say that I'm happy and truly thankful for the choice I have made and the way things are going in my life right now - PG! Yes we're not rich or free from difficulties and struggles, but does anyone life that perfect life!? I just guess we have to have faith and just trust God. I'm extremely glad I have joined YFC because seriously I can picture life being heaps easier and I'm always finding myself just smiling for no apparent reason! That's gotta be a good sign right!? LOL.

But yeah I look back at the old times and just see it all being so lonely, dull and annoying. Now I picture life in the future in a more positive nature. I see life being heaps easier, inspiring and truly rewarding.

And of course there is only one person to thank for all that, the guy watching us from above ~ PG =)

And I've also put a lot of effort into the Redbook (probably a lot more than my uni work!) . One of my personal goals for 2010 was to be more thankful and have a stronger relationship with God. And when I see this book everyday, full of happy memories and inspiring quotes, it really does make me realise how thankful I should be and not take things for granted. YFC is also helping me. Even though I only joined a week ago, I can see that it will lead to great things coz I really want to serve God in many ways.



As for the other goals... learning how to play the guitar and speaking tagalog... its also in progress ;)