Confusion confusion confusio

Confused about what? I don't even know!

Like I can't pin point it coz it's just all a mess.

Firstly I just finished my 3000 word MPO essay which turned out in the end to be 5000 + ><
So now I have to cut out 3 pages... I don't even know if I referenced propoerly or even plagerised 20% +

Then theres the CB covenant thing on Saturday which is in bloody Plumpton or something...which I heard over and over today on the news that some teenagers got stabbed there this morning :
And its like near Mt Druitt.. which mum said is scary place... and it takes 2hrs to train it there... and isabel AND amy cant freakn go ><

And then theres other uni stuff... like fact that I havnt opened the accounting book since last thursday despite he fact that i failed the last exam

Then there's the two IT group assignments....like for CITP i havnt even started the powerpoint or edited the clip

and then for IIS I dont even friggin now!!!

Then theres OLC coz I don't know if mum has even booked it yet ><

Grrr I trying to think of the next time it will be calm...but It's prettymuch not anytime soon
soo yehhh God help me :(

I must keep tellin myself to just keep doing it and it will all come to an end... the tasks aand uni that is.

The end. Good night (not reallly...prob gonna sleep at 4 again)

Must stop procrastinating

Gahh I really need to stop going on random blogs and looking up pretty pictures
and just do this stupid MPO essay grrr

Ex - haust - ed

I don't know if this post if going to make any sense when i reread it later on. Because I'm just like super tired.

I really want to get a distinction in this essay coz i feel as if it should make up for stupid accounting which i totally failed and must study for.

Gahhh anyway i thought id stay up and last longer but nooo im like really tired. maybe coz i was at kogarah library all arvo and so i didnt get my arvo nap

i even missed out on full house gahhhhh

but im thinking...imagine if i delayed this essay for like an extra day! Like how behind would i be.
Coz i swear i feel like ive done so much already for this 3000 word essay and havnt even written anything for my final essay...like is just putting my notes together!!!

super tiredddd.

niiiight

Sad. Sad. Sad.

So I just set myself up in the living room. I should take a pic coz its not something I do every night.

Basically Im all rugged up in front of the fireplace. Everyone is asleep so its dead silent. And I'm ready to do my 3000 word MPO essay. Please God don't let the fire die on me!!!

Anyway so many sad things happened today. First of all there is Yeon who has been crying non stop all day because of her situation. She hasnt exactly been treated well here in Australia in terms of her internship, I really feel for her. She really wants to just go home back in Korea but her mother wants her to stay here for another 6 months. And I don't think she can handle it anymore.

And then theres Monica who says she wants to cover her birthmark because from now on McDonald's is making her tie her hair back. I hope she sees that its not really that bad and there people worse off.

Ohh and then there is Ate's wedding. Here I was thinking it was like small wedding in New Zealand next month or something, but theyre actually heading back to the Philippines to have it. Its really sad because for a while now, ever since we got news of their engagement, I always pictures us (as in mum, dad, rosemarie & monica) having fun there when we go for the wedding ceremony. And to find out that they're going to have it really soon, and we're not going to be there for it... well its kinda sad. I'm prob going to cry when it gets closer. Because I really miss them, and I just loved the idea of us all being there with Lolo and one big reunion like the old times ;(

I guess not everything goes to plan. And things happen for a reason.

But PG for OLC. It's not booked yet but mother dearest said we can book it by Friday. I'm going to be soo excited!

In the mean time I need to study my ass off for uni. I'm so behind. But for some odd reason though I'm actually excited for this MPO essay. Maybe coz I have more confidence now than the last time (When B was here and that week I thought i was gna have a massive breakdown) and I'm actually starting it early, well earlier than last time anyway xD

So change of plans.

• 
  Okays well turns out we are not going to the Philippines anymore in December.
  
  On mother's day I was discussing OLC with mum and Philippines... then she turns to Dad saying "Should we tell them now?" I was like WTH! "Is this bad news?" Though she was smiling. And she's like "No, we're not going to the Philippines at the end of the year."
  
  :O x infinity!!!!
  
  Apparently Ate is getting married next month, for reasons I don't know, so yeah we're not going anymore.
  
  I don't really understand the circumstances to that, not that it's any of my business anyway. But yeah so when me and Monicago to OLC in July apprently Ate will already be married!!!
  
  In other news... I'm kinda having a dilemma with this weekend. It's like Andrea's 18th and Shannon's on the same night.
  
  Basically its like I have to go to one, or leave Andrea's early. Here's what I've come up with:
  
  ANDREA:

Positives:

• Umm I can't think of any besides that it will be good socialising with people since most of em are from uni
• She has been soo excited about it so it's definitly going to be an awesome night

Negatives:

• Ummm my ex bstfriend who I havn't spoken to since last year is going to be there with her BF. And It's pretty unpredicatable how it's going to go down between the both of us, considering the latest drama between her and Shannon as well as hr behaviour in the past which I should well be aware of by now.
• The only other person who I know and talk to and will definitly be there is Awad. Who is probably going to disappear after 5mins and hook up with someone in the corner.

SHANNON:

Positives:

• I'm closer to more people there and therefore will be more comfortable and enjoyable

Negatives:

• She's planning on staying at a hotel therfore we have to pay (& im trying to save up for Nz)

• She hasn't even booked it yet and its annoying

Anyway what I'll end up doing is going to Andrea's with Belinda then leaving early or something.

Gahh I have sooo much to do. I'm actually in Kogarah Library at the moment in an attempt to start my MPO 3000 word essay. But it's going to be hard because I really CBB at the moment and I'm starving (and I dont want to buy anything coz im being stingy & who is going to mind this heavy laptop!!! My back still hasnt recovered from carrying it around UTS all morning!!!)

Laters.

Put kind constructions where you can, and where you cannot, be silent

So yeahh last night i think i went to bed at about 4am because i had to file my uni notes and yehh i had other things on my mind...

3:48am 8 May

Can't sleep because I have so many things on my mind. Well the main thing is this Samantha issue. Basically she somehow found photos of her still up on Shannon's Facebook account and she messaged Shannon asking her to take them down as it also contained 'vulgar' comments or wotevs. Well anyway Shannon of course, being the person she is, decided it was a good opportunity to tell Samantha what she thinks if her. Then Shannon copied and pasted the whole thread for me and 3 other girls to read.

I don't know but it only hit me now how upsetting this whole situation is. I mean it only hit me now because I was strong enough to move on and cut all connections with her.

I guess you can say there was not better time to join YFC. Because it will not only help me gain greater confidence with unim but it will also allow me to move on from the past, and allow me to find my true friends, surround myself with positivity. At the camp there were all these story sharings from a range of people. And I though to myself... What has really had a great affect on me recently... What has hurt me the most? I mean life at the moment is all good I guess. As in my parents arn't divorced, my relationship with my sisters are pretty normal, I don't have bf issues and I have awesome friends. I quess I have tried to forget everything during the HSC period, therefore including someone who I thought was my bestfriend. I'm crying at the moment even thinking about it.

So yehh at camp this one guy told us his story. He and his childhood bestfriend has a physical fight at a party one night and from then on lost all contact. Then one day a few years later the friend's mum calls him saying that her son, his friend, was drunk at a party, collapsed on a road, and got runover. That sent shivers down my spine. It reminded me of my relationship with Samantha.

I guess I've come to the conclusion that I don't hate her. If I see her (which I most likely will at Andrea's party in a week), I'm simply going to avoid any communication because I don't want to start anything. I'm just really over it. Why waste energy I guess. When I told Shannon this she thought I had a near - death experience at the camp or something. But its true, you just have to move on and not associate yourself with such people anymore. Just learn from it I guess. I really feel for her. I mean most of what Shannon wrote is true - she is narrow minded, only thinking of herself, thrive from peoples' pain and suffering, and just bitched all the time. But it's not her fault she's like that right!? It just really upset me that I made friends with her for so long. Time was wasted being best friends with someone who only ever thought of herself.

Perhaps it was God's plan for me to experience all this. So that I will know what to do if I ever come across a similar situation later in life. So yeahh, I'm simply going to ignore all the negativity. And as much as I agree with every single point Shannon makes in the messages being sent to Samantha, I have to choose not to get myself involved and simply just shut up.

There's this Mary Mackillop quote... it was something like ~ "Put kind constructions where you can, and where you cannot, be silent." 15.11.1878.

I mean I don't want or need this in my life. I don't want to continue this hatred for her or bitch and fight with her. There is better things in life. I really do feel I have moved on, and I can honestly say that I'm happy and truly thankful for the choice I have made and the way things are going in my life right now - PG! Yes we're not rich or free from difficulties and struggles, but does anyone life that perfect life!? I just guess we have to have faith and just trust God. I'm extremely glad I have joined YFC because seriously I can picture life being heaps easier and I'm always finding myself just smiling for no apparent reason! That's gotta be a good sign right!? LOL.

But yeah I look back at the old times and just see it all being so lonely, dull and annoying. Now I picture life in the future in a more positive nature. I see life being heaps easier, inspiring and truly rewarding.

And of course there is only one person to thank for all that, the guy watching us from above ~ PG =)

And I've also put a lot of effort into the Redbook (probably a lot more than my uni work!) . One of my personal goals for 2010 was to be more thankful and have a stronger relationship with God. And when I see this book everyday, full of happy memories and inspiring quotes, it really does make me realise how thankful I should be and not take things for granted. YFC is also helping me. Even though I only joined a week ago, I can see that it will lead to great things coz I really want to serve God in many ways.



As for the other goals... learning how to play the guitar and speaking tagalog... its also in progress ;)

OLC ? :\

OMGSH

I cant sleep!!! Im like thinking about OLC NZ and i really really want to go. Going to pray... somehow i will be there!!!

Seriously from now on I will do everything as in clean the house etc etc i want to go sooo badly :(

YFC CB - Only the beginning

So I went to the camp. At first I was excited but nervous at the same time. I mean I didn't exactly know what to expect, but I'm really glad i went!!!

It was heaps fun. Words can not really describe what I experienced.

The leaders, service team and everyone really were like super nice xD.



Everyone was just ... yeah heaps nice!!!



The singing and the praising was a bit awkward at first. But the sharing of stories from so many different people, really opened up my eyes to how much we should really praise God!!!

"God is Good, All the Time!!! God is where? Everywhere! Everywhere, God is there!!!"

I can't even begin to describe how much the weekend is going to change my life. Obviously everyone there was from uni and other tertiary which was really awesome coz we got to relate to each other in so many ways. I saw like grown men cry! It was sad, but the way they got through tough situations really got me thinking. That I shouldn't really take things for granted, and praise God for the wonderful things and works he has done.







The friends I made were really awesome! And on the last day we had this little graduation thing, because we were participants :) I was like OMGSH this is soo funny and awesome!



So at the next one, I'm going to be part of the service team and serve!!!



I really really want to go to OLC NZ too but I don't know if I can afford it atm. So I'm praying I'll be able to find some opportunity, or get a job or something.



But yeahh. It was crazy but soo amazing. And I think it was the right timing too. I mean uni life isnt really exciting. And because I do business and IT its really hard for me to find groups of people I can actually relate to or hang out with on a regular basis. I just really found it annoying and missed my old friends from highschool. Especially in this one class, the one I have on Monday, it's just super annoying. Like I wanted to cry sometime and I thought why am I even here!?



But after this camp I realised that I wasnt alone in this situation, and that other people had even bigger problems. And I didnt come to this camp hoping to be cured or to even think about my personal issues. (I really only went coz B told us for a while now to join :S) And it just kinda did it itself. I now have the confidence and a greater positive attitude about uni, and I'm glad its happening now coz its only my first year.



They also mentioned how hard it is to interact with people at uni, coz you know, we're not all Catholics or Christians. And I realised that straight away when I got home and went on FB actually. Coz a close friend of mine was like . . .

"So, How was Bible camp!?" As if to mock it or something!. Then of course it was followed by other comments from other close friends saying things like "WTF BAHHAH :0" and "Yepp thats right, whatever happened at fail bible study camp, stays at fail bible study camp!"

It was really sad actually. Like I wanted to reply but i just ignored it. It sad really, coz the people who did write these comments are going through a lot of things at the moment. I mean I didn't hear about it personally from them, but I guess on FB you learn a lot of things LOL. But no seriously. Like one of them constantly writes all these like negative hatred type statuses all the time, and the other one, well recently I found out that shes having issues with her BF.



I mean yeah, we can't all convert people to have a great faith in God and not everyone in the world is necessarily going to agree with a lot of things you choose to beleive. But if we can let them see that there actually are ways to have faith in the life, to move on, and adapt positive attitudes as servants of Christ, then seriously - Life will be good! :)



Thats some of the things I learnt from being part of YFC. And I only just begun so I'm so excited about what's to come! This one leader on the last day took me aside when during the BBQ lunch and we had a little talk. And she made me feel so comfortable, as if I can tell her anything and showed a lot of kindness and support. That's the type of person I hope become as I grow in this journey. I mean maybe instead to ignoring or arguing with my friends who don't

believe, I can show them support or a sense of understanding in what they are going through.

But yehh so many things happened on the weekend, I think its just going to slowly come to me. Because I didn't even know where to begin when I started to describe my experience.



It was just amazing and I cant wait to grow in faith and learn so many things and share it with everyone.

PG <3