Well its not happening. Not now anyway.
Coz today i realised alot of stupid things that i need to change.
If i go back to my earlier blogs of this year... i prob mentioned my new years resolutions...
Lets get an update on that.
So 1) Play guitar....yeh ive been trying to look at stuff every now and then
2) My tagalog... yeh ive been looking at the book clarisse and rosingo gave every now and then
3) Be more grateful....yeah well that is what i need to work on!!!
*Sigh* this is taking me long to actually type... because thinking about it makes me feel like a fool and embarrassed for being soo...rude!? But i have to face it now before it becomes bigger and i just become a total biatchhh
Anyway i had the most annoying morning. And it was also audreys birthday. So we go to Their house. And i dont know i was just soo buggered and *** looked kinda busy so i didnt go over to say hi... which i usually do... the point is i just basically went in there and didnt greet anyone...and he was really really pissed coz even clarisse went to him while i was having a convo and he kinda said something to her.
Farrrrk i dunno anyway yeh ive been thinking... as a famiily me and my sisters usually say hi and shizz when relatives and visitors come over...but recently that just faded. I dunno why. I guess coz we dont really do it to our parents anymore because recently alot of shizz has happened which hasnt been nice. Last year especially was fckn tough coz we even had to go to these stupid counselling meetings and shittt and we all saw a different side of each other we never ever saw. It was quite upsetting, but a big eye opener.
Anyway yeah me and my sisters dont do that whole emotional thing with people coz we've just been use to it. We dont mean to be rude or anything. And with the martins...we see them all the time so its like i guess...gosh this is gonna sound stupid...its like we dont need to give them a proper greeting!?! I mean its not like we only see them once a yr.....AND YES i know that sounds bloody stupid and lame and its not even good enough for an excuse!!!
Fckk so yeah its kinda humiliating thinking about it. Like even in the philippines we dont show that kind of respect as much as i thought we did. And we were younger then so it didnt matter as much...and now if we do go later this year...its kinda expected that we do stuff like that. And not doing grace and stuff. Fckk. We dont mean to show disrespect...i guess its just the way weve been brought up?? Okay i cant entirely blame it on that because we arnt force to not not do stuff like that.
Hmmm lets just say i wont be going to their place anytime soon, and try to avoid all contact till i clear my mind and get organised and get a friggin job. Which is why i cant wait to start uni. Afterall i dont want any fuckn things like this to start... We already had to deal with that broken hill one which is now in the past.
So yeah thats whats been going on in my mind lately. So i guess when i'm trying to fufill that last new years resolution...which should really be a lifetime one...and its not only to be grateful, but to also show some respect....expecially those who are close to you.
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1.15am
ok this is really bugging me. Its not a big deal...i mean it is. Whatever- its wont leave my mind. I didnt exactly write down everything that happened. I mean when i look back and go through the things i said, it may have come out wrong and make me look like a fuckn idiot and bitch. And its eating me up for some reason. Well yeah that reason being i was i had no manners. I know im sorry and i would do anything to change it but i cant, so i just have to move on and fix what i can from here. i didnt mean for it to come out that way. Well things like this have always been awkward. So i should just pray that i make the right decision and change.
I'm looking at the Blessed Mary Mackillop Quote of the Week i cut out ages ago, and i should prob pay close attention to that - "Put kind constructions where you can and where you cannot, be silent" 15.11.1878
1.15am
ok this is really bugging me. Its not a big deal...i mean it is. Whatever- its wont leave my mind. I didnt exactly write down everything that happened. I mean when i look back and go through the things i said, it may have come out wrong and make me look like a fuckn idiot and bitch. And its eating me up for some reason. Well yeah that reason being i was i had no manners. I know im sorry and i would do anything to change it but i cant, so i just have to move on and fix what i can from here. i didnt mean for it to come out that way. Well things like this have always been awkward. So i should just pray that i make the right decision and change.
I'm looking at the Blessed Mary Mackillop Quote of the Week i cut out ages ago, and i should prob pay close attention to that - "Put kind constructions where you can and where you cannot, be silent" 15.11.1878
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