Why.

I don't know if this is normal or what. It's 1am and I have a big day tomorrow and I have to get up early. But I can't sleep because I'm thinking about someone. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because I have been so anti - social recently and haven't seen anyone in ages. Farout. I don't know what this is but it's so freakin' weird and annoying. Seriously can't get it off my mind. Sleeeeep girl!

When we fail, God prevails ?

Farrout i didn't think i would ever have to make a post about this.

Long story short, I need a job asap or this is just not going to go away.

And since our internet is super slow, im going to go to Kogarah Library on Monday and search for jobs and study for Programming Fundamentals @!##$%V$

Well basically all week I've been hearing from my mother and Tita Claret that NCR has this new receptionist who is taking over part time for one of the girls.

And they keep asking me why that James guy hasn't called me. Probably because I never called him back or even emailed him after all that.

I dunno i just left under bad circumstances. It was a nightmare that I felt like I had to run away from.

F#*#@$&$

And i'm pretty sure all my funds that I made from there are now gone.

And summer is here. This sucks bad.

I keep thinking why. Why did that freakin thing have to stuff up on me. Why did I have to be so confused that I didnt take the best approach to all this. Why why WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

And i'm hoping God let this happen for a reason. And something bigger and better is coming my way.

Fingers crossed and praying anyway.

Praying to get a job and be employed and just try to attempt kickstarting my career.

How the hell would I get those Jimmy Choos otherwise?

Mother Teresa

Ok so i wouldn’t say today was the most productive day i’ve had so far this week. I didn’t do a lot of things, but i did learn a lot of other things that weren’t related to Programming, Economics, Marketing or Web Systems.

Well first off i got to Central to meet up with a close friend of mine. I get off platform 25, walk up the long escalators, put my ticket in the machine, walk the long tunnel full of busy working people, students, buskers, and the occasional begger, and finally reach the end 10 minutes later. I call her, and she only got on at her station!

So instead of going straight to uni, i stopped by the discount book store and looked at the stuff. I found this one book titled – The Words and Inspirations of Mother Teresa: Love. And i bought it. I thought it would be a good read, rather than buying another trashy Cleo or Cosmo magazine.

And had a long day catching up with friends, that i didn’t get to read it until it was time to go home. I got to Central Station at 11:16pm, only to find out that i had missed the train by 1 minute. ONE MINUTE! And I was so angry for a moment because I was so tired and hungry and just wanted to go home. So as i waited for another next 16minutes for the next train, and i scavenged through my bag for the little book. And i’m glad i did.

I mean, yes i failed myself in not having a good day of study, and i was tired and missed the train by friggin 1 minute, but praise God i witnessed a lot of amazing things today, which i was reminded of when i read the first few pages of the book. It wasn’t anything mind blowing and completely life changing, but it was still incredible, because i saw that God is truely there, here with us, even in the least obvious moments and places – in the conversations i had with people, whether long or very brief, through the things and scenes i saw as i walked practically to the other side of the busy city and back.

And reading this little book about Mother Teresa, reminded me of God and His love for us. Tomorrow I have uni from 6 – 8pm, but since I wasn’t so productive today, i’m going to try to come earlier tomorrow. And then at 8pm i’m going to train it to Martin Place at the first stop of Vinnies Night Patrol. And reading this little book is preparing me for it. Okay, so it’s not my first night patrol, but usually i have a busy day and when i go to do it, i come home and it takes a while to process it all. I mean, i realise how lucky i am in that i have a roof on my head, my family and i are healthy, and i have amazing friends who i know i can turn to for support. But sometimes i just don’t realise how much i take that all for granted.

I haven’t finished this book yet, but already i feel so inspired by Mother Teresa. Praise God for her and her works which have touched so many people today.

The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted, uncared for and deserted by everybody. The greatest evil is the lack of love and charity, the terrible indifference towards one’s neighbours...

-          Mother Teresa

>><<

Silence. Be content.

Well i got home after another long night at uni. The lab this week was annoying and i didnt even have enough time to complete the task, so i only got 35/100.

Then i walked the long tunnel at Central to get home, waited 5 minutes for the train.

It wasn't as packed tonight so thank God i got a seat because i was exhausted.

Then the train got the Wolli Creek and that's when i usually text Dad to let him know i'm 5 minutes away from Rockdale Station so that he can pick me up.

I got of at Rockdale, sat on the bus bench for a good 10 minutes, but i didn't mind tonight since it wasn't a freezing cold night.

10 minutes later. He still didn't turn up.

So i just walked home.

And then i realised that the car wasn't out the front. The front room lights weren't switched on as they usually are. And it looked as if the house was extremely quiet. Just dark and lonely and empty as if no one was home.

Then i realised that something must of gone wrong. And that's when i remembered that the Martin's Grandmas hasn't been feeling well recently and so i assumed she had gone to a better place.

I opened the door, dropped my things on the floor and knocked on Ayana's bedroom door, and she confirmed it.

It's made me realise a lot. All this.

Life is short and so we gotta make the most of it.

I'm going to pray that their grandma is now in another place, somewhere where she can rest in peace. I'm going to pray for Tito Fred and his family. Not only are there other issues they have dealt with recently, now they have to go through this phase in life. And i personally haven't gone through such sad grief, but i know it's not easy. And the girls, they have now loss both their grandparents on that side, so it must be devastating for them.

I just got a phone call while i was writing this. It was from Tita Dona - Birthday Girl! We spoke about all this, and one thing i did get from her, was that's life's too short so you gotta be content. Although she's admitted herself that's she not religious, she tells me to keep doing what i'm doing with my charity work, youth work and to keep serving. Because you are truely reminded of how fortunate you are. You can be rich and have massive houses and whatever, but eventually you will hit a point and realise that you can't buy yourself happiness. You can't buy yourself family and friends who make your life so much richer and happier. It just doesn't work like that.

I don't know when this actually all happened, because Tita was kinda surprised when she found out that i only found out when i got home.

But anyway, it's going to be a quiet night. I think i might say the Rosary. Not turn the tele on tonight, and just do quiet things like maybe catch up on my economics notes.

I cant eveeen

think for myself anymore.

This is stupid. Uni is stupid.

Okay yeah i take that back.

But its just so frustrating because nothing is going right today. And to make things worse, it's cold and raining and i'm in CBB mode >.<

Pleaaaase make something good happen today. Just one thing that will keep me going over the weekend.

FML

Can probably already guess what happened.

The End.

Well this sucks.

So im sitting on the third floor in the UTS library.

I got here earlier than normal, at about 11:30ish because this library gets soo friggin full sometimes and its just frustrating. 

So yeah i found a seat right at the back of level 3. Near a window that looks out at the back of Haymarket. And it's cold.

It was so hot on the way here, and on facebook everyone keeps saying what a beautiful sunny day it is, but no. I can't have a look because i'm stuck here. 

I haven't even eaten since I woke up and left and all i've had is about 3 pieces of airways gum. Ahh and I'm still sick and I ran outta tissues.

So yeah, i'm basically stuck here because I have a massive laptop which has made my shoulders sore just carrying it around, and I can't just leave it here =.=". 

NEED A SMALLER LAPTOP !

I should probably check out the lockers here for tomorrow when i come in earlier. Apparently they go out quick though in the mornings. Great. Just great.

Anyway yeah i haven't really done much, just rewrote the linuxgym hints/ notes because i get none of it. And then i have to start looking back at last week's Programming lecture notes because I have the Programming lecture at 6pm and i don't want to be in the labs till 9pm. FML.